This Tiny Gesture Builds Massive Influence

People often ask me, what is the most impactful form of influence? My answer usually surprises them. And to explain, let me share the story of Bernadette Russell.

In 2011 Bernadette who lives in London, UK, was standing in line behind a Teenager trying to mail a letter in a post office. Recently there had been rioting in the city as young people in masks and hoodies were protesting economic conditions. Buildings and busses were set a flame, and the entire city was on edge.

Could the young man in front of her have been a part of the chaos? He might have.

But if he hadn’t, she wondered, were people judging him and assuming he was? She thought to herself, “Oh gosh, I bet people might be judging you, because you look like the images we’ve been seeing on TV. I wonder if you’ve been having a hard time.”

Then she heard the young man tell the post office clerk with a note of embarrassment that he couldn’t pay for the 50p postage stamp- or about $0.60 cents in USD.

That’s when Bernadette made the split second decision to step up. “I can pay it for you” she said, and offered to pay the 50p without asking anything in return.

Before the young man left, he thanked her, “quite a few times, more than he needed to. That felt quite significant and a little bit sad really.”

(Photo: Bernadette Russell)

As she rode the bus home, she reflected.

On her way TO the post office, she had felt “overwhelmed about the sheer volume of bad news and the enormity of problems in the world, that I had absolutely no power to do anything about”.

But after her unexpected moment of kindness? She felt different. She felt empowered.

What if she was more intentional about being kind…more often? That’s when the idea came, What if she did an act of kindness for a complete stranger every single day for a year?

“It was quite spontaneous. I thought: ‘I’ll see what difference this makes,’” she says. “I had no idea what I was letting myself in for.”

And so for the next year Bernadette looked for small unexpected ways to be kind to complete strangers every single day. Sometimes it meant buying a homeless person coffee and asking about their life. Helping an elderly person load their shopping bags into a car. Leaving notes anonymous filled with compliments and well wishes. Giving candy bars to people who looked like they were struggling.

Nothing big, just simple. And consistent.

The results, for Bernadette, were extraordinary. She found confidence, strength, and even healing as she consistently looked for ways to be kind to complete strangers. It even changed how she viewed the world. “I made a choice not to believe that the world is full of monsters…and, to this day, I keep making that choice. I keep re-committing to kindness. I keep believing there is more good than bad, more hope than fear.”

Today, Bernadette is the best-selling author of The Little Book of Kindness: Everyday actions to change your life and the world around you (and several other books) and speaks to groups around the world about how kindness can change their organizations, their relationships, and the world.

What does this have to do with influence and success?

To put it simply, the greatest and most powerful force for influence is kindness.

Kindness is one of those force multipliers where you create exponentially more than what you put in.

Think about it. When you have received an unexpected act of kindness from someone else, how did it make you feel? How did it make you feel towards them? How did it make you feel towards others?

That one act from another person created a ripple effect that cascaded and expanded throughout the other areas of your life.

Which brings me to one of the easiest and most powerful ways to spread kindness in group settings that I’ve discovered. Are you ready?

Here it is: Compliment people behind their backs.

When you are in a group of people, intentionally compliment someone who isn’t there … or… who isn’t listening.

“Did you see how she gave that presentation? I was so impressed…”

“They did the most extraordinary thing. They did (insert the thing)…. It was incredible.”

Or even simpler:

“She’s one of the most dependable people I’ve worked with.”

“I don’t think he realizes how good he is at creating a sense of calm in stressful moments.”

“She always brings out the best in our team.”

(Photo: Bernadette and her kindness campaign)

These little behind-the-back compliments carry weight. Why?

Because they’re not transactional. They’re not performative. And the person giving them doesn’t expect credit. That’s what makes them and genuine powerful. And the funny thing? They almost always get back to the person they are about. Someone tells them. The comment floats through the air and lands where it was meant to. And when it does, it sticks.

Because when people hear something kind that was said about them (when they weren’t around to hear it directly) it creates an emotional imprint. It builds trust. It builds connection. And it strengthens your influence among groups in the best way possible — quietly and meaningfully.

Here’s my challenge to you this week:

Say something good behind someone’s back. Let it be real, specific, and sincere. You don’t need to make a big announcement. Just speak it to someone nearby with intention.

Because the most influential people aren’t always the loudest or the flashiest. They’re the ones who consistently make other people feel seen, supported, and believed in — even when no one’s watching.

And that, my friend, is the greatest form of influence.

— Christian

CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his wife. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com