How to Ruin Your Reputation

A few months ago I learned one of the fastest ways to ruin your reputation, and influence people to NEVER want to connect with you again.

And the thing is… the person had no idea they were doing it.

I was grabbing lunch with someone I’d recently networked with, and at first the conversation was going well.

Then, it happened.

As the waiter brought our food, it turns out they got the order wrong. Was it an inconvenience? Yes- but its just lunch, and we were pressed for time anyways. And so I accepted what the waiter brought (even though it was wrong) and I got to try a new dish.

The individual I had met for lunch, however, was more frustrated. After the waiter left he said, “That waiter clearly has no idea what they’re doing… how could they get our order wrong? What an idiot.”

I was surprised to hear such negative comments. Sure, he had a right to be annoyed but his behavior was inappropriate. And then like magic… my lunch companion completely flipped a switch … and became the engaging conversationalist he had been just minutes before.

That was the exact moment I decided I wasn’t interested in meeting this person again. For the rest of the meal… every time the waiter came by to apologize… the colleague I was networking with had an edge in their interactions, and was dismissive behind the waiter’s back.

There was a difference in how he treated the staff of this restaurant, and how he treated me.

And this discrepancy significantly decreased my opinion of him. So much so- even though I run into him occasionally at other public business events… I have intentionally not had a follow up conversation, nor referred his services to others.

I got to see his true character.

Compare that story to a more positive experience I had just this week. I was out catching up with a colleague and friend over lunch, and he was warm and affable to the staff that served us. He complimented them, and struck up conversations with them as they came by. He had a unique way to put them at ease.

He treated the service staff just as highly as he treated me. And that confirmed my trust and confidence in his character.

What does this have to do with influence and success?

I’ve heard it said that “Your character is based on how you treat the people you’re allowed to mistreat.”

Did the guy in the first story have a right to be frustrated when they got our order wrong? Yes. Sure.

But did he have a right to demean and belittle the people that served us? No. Not for one second.

As he did so, it showed his true character. And I wasn’t impressed.

How you treat the people who seem like they don’t matter… matters.

I once had the opportunity to sit next to the president of a Financial Company at an event. He was easily worth tens of millions of dollars, and his company managed billions worth of assets. But do you know what we talked about?

How meaningful and important it was to grow up working in a restaurant.

Like me, he worked at a restaurant in High School, and glowed over how many things it taught him. Such lessons were the foundation of his leadership style, and how he managed large teams. His experience in the food service industry opened the doors of his eventual and continued success. Even though his net worth was higher than anyone else in the room, he was gracious, appreciative, and kind to the staff of the event who served us.

Your character is based on how you treat the people you’re allowed to mistreat.

Have you ever been in a situation where you have witnessed someone with higher status or prominence mistreat people who were under them?

How did it change your opinion of their reputation?

Similarly, have you seen the opposite- where people of higher positions treated people beneath them with dignity and respect?

How did THAT change your opinion of their character and reputation?

(Photo: At the grocery store this week… how can you be more intentional?)

People notice how you treat other people. And your personal brand is JUST as much influenced by how you treat others as it is influenced by how well you deliver value in the marketplace.

Here’s my challenge to you:

This week, as you interact with people who serve you in various ways, take a moment to be intentional.

• Make eye contact and say thank you — not just out of habit, but with sincerity.
• Ask someone about their day — not because you expect a long conversation, but because being seen matters.
• Acknowledge good service when you receive it — and if someone makes a mistake, extend the grace you’d want in their position.

Because here’s the truth: People in service roles are used to being overlooked. They are used to being treated as invisible. And when you break that cycle — even in the smallest ways — you stand out.

And here’s the best part: Those small moments of kindness? They have a way of coming full circle. One day, you’ll need someone to vouch for you. One day, you’ll need a door opened that you never saw coming. And what you don’t realize is that your reputation is already doing the work — long before you step into the room.

Because character counts. And the way you treat people when you don’t have to? It’s the kind of thing people don’t forget.

Christian

CHRISTIAN HANSEN has gone behind the scenes in some of the biggest organizations in the world to find out the reasons why some people get chosen and why others don’t. As the #1 bestselling and LinkedIn Top Ten ranked author of “The Influence Mindset: The Art & Science of Getting People to Choose You” Christian helps teams and organizations who want to stand out and be the obvious choice. With degrees from Brigham Young University and The London School of Economics, he’s helped thousands of individuals position and sell themselves. A fan of international communication, history, and choral music, he currently lives in Utah with his wife. Reach him at: TheChristianHansen.com